Poor Boy

Self Pity by Nicholas L. Laning

pity |ˈpi-tē|

noun ( pl. pities)

1 the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others : her voice was full of pity.
2 [in sing. ] a cause for regret or disappointment : what a pity we can't be friends.
verb ( pities, pitied) [ trans. ]
feel sorrow for the misfortunes of : Clare didn't know whether to envy or pity them | [as adj. ] ( pitying) he gave her a pitying look.

PHRASES

for pity's sake informal used to express impatience or make an urgent appeal.
more's the pity informal used to express regret about a fact that has just been stated.
take (or have) pity show compassion : they took pity on him and gave him food.

DERIVATIVES

pityingly adverb

ORIGIN 

Middle English (also in the sense [clemency, mildness] ): from Old French pite ‘compassion,’ from Latin pietas ‘piety’ ; compare with piety .
 


I believe in the use of pity.  I didn't used to though.  Very many Americans seem to despise pity.  We give it meagerly, with clasped, begrudging hands, usually with only half a heart.  We believe in people picking themselves up from their bootstraps, people who lived through dubya dubya two and built the Hoover Dam during the Great Depression.  So, it is no surprise that we often are tempted to look at pity as a disease, something that will only serve to encourage people in their poor station.  If we can just deny it, they will too maybe, and work their way out.  "Get over it."  "Pick yourself up.  You're embarrassing."  "Stop being so selfish."

There can surely be truth in this.   It can also be a sign of a cold heart.  Indeed, it can be out of selfishness that they are spoken.  It is surely a seemingly inconvenient (though not actually so) thing to take the time and effort and trust to open your heart, and allow it to hurt on someone else's behalf.

The Christian heart should not only be open to pity, but it should be ever present.  Not that would she overcome by pity, or by the burden of other people's sin or suffering, but that we wouldn't reject them either.  Our hearts should bleed for those suffering in East Africa, of Cancer, of Depression, from human cruelty, or nature's ruthless power.  Pity is absolutely necessary for a healthy heart.  If you can't find any room for pity in your heart, then it is has turned to stone, because there is surely no shortage of people to pity.  Quite the contrary.

However, what I don't believe in, is self pity.  At least, I think it much like anger.  There is room for a short flash of the emotion.  But, just like with anger, there is no room for it to sit and fester.  When we start acting out in self pity, it gets bad.  Leave the pitying for others.  Self pity would have us wallow in our own pain, and is rooted in pride.  "Look at my pain!" It screams.  Pity that is begged for is rarely, if ever genuine. 

If you are wondering, yes, this is on my heart because, I must confess, over the last few days, I have wallowed in self pity.  Yes, the list of trials is real.  Yes, they really are heavy, and I feel fine having a bit of sorrow over some of them.  However, my reaction has been to simply feel sorry for myself.

I haven't been active at anything.  Sound familiar?  I have wanted to sleep, or just die, anything to just make it all stop.  But, I am not currently dying (that I know of), and have more life to live.

Yesterday, I was given the realization that my self pity isn't doing anybody any good, least of all me.  So, I stopped complaining, stopped whining in my heart, stopped looking for more points to add to my tank of sorrow, and decided to look to God in true hope.  The change in my heart was immediate, though not necessarily all encompassing.  A day later, and I am back to normal.  My circumstances haven't changed outwardly, but it might as well be a totally different world.  God is indeed faithful when I am not.

So, you in the abyss.  What you are dealing with is surely a thousand times stronger than what I felt yesterday.  I know it.  I was there once too.  I am not naive.  However, that lesson yesterday was simply a reminder of a decision I made amidst my time in the abyss.  That decision to stop wallowing in self pity, and look past my emotions, and hope beyond hope, and choose to see things as good (even when the incessant negativity didn't stop screaming the opposite).  It was one of the great turning points in my ten year battle with depression.

Follow my lead.  Trust me when I say that it will do you no good to rot in your pain.  Believe beyond what you feel, and start speaking and acting out hope, real hope.  It will not be an overnight switch necessarily, but it will make a difference.  Even when you get out of it, self pity will still be there to try and trap you.  Don't believe the lie.  Pity others, and leave it to others to pity you.  If no one does so, know that God cares for you, enough so that He sent His only son to suffer worse than you have, that you might be able to come Him.

Hebrews 4:14-16

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  

16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

1 Peter 5:10

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

 Philippians 3:

7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  
8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 
9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith--  
10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 
11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.  

13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 

14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  

15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.  

16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained. 

17 Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.  

18 For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ.  

19 Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.  

20 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,

21 who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.