Yet, in the end, though there's quite a bit to cover, most of it is just extra. There are some things that are the core of the fight. They're the things that make or break you.
Hear me now. I'm going to share with you one thing that really can change the battle, and not just for depression. The truth works for anyone any time.
Your feelings DO NOT always tell the truth.
That's it. Sounds simple enough, but with that in mind I think you will start to see just how often it is you let your feelings, how often I let my feelings, dictate how we think. That's why I don't even like to say the adage, "Well, you can't control other people, but you can only control yourself."
Nope. I can even do that, at least not a hundred percent. If so, I'd be the happiest man alive. Truth is, feelings are bigger than we think in rational process. Start talking to someone with an opposing worldview. If you know your stuff well enough to decently defend your view, there will come a point where that other person will throw out the "I just" clause. It's where all actual reasoning has played itself out, and taken you or them so far, but not to the end. Faith is inevitable. And that point, when reached, is when we all say, "Well, that may be so but I JUST cant believe that... or I just have to believe that... and the following is filled in with what was wrought from emotion, not pure reason.
Everybody struggles with this. I do all the time. Only, most of the time, feelings follow enough of a pattern that corresponds with the circumstances of life, that it is easier to trust them (and also to be deceived by them).
This is why depression is so dangerous. Thing is, in depression, your feelings stop corresponding with life. Your feelings don't corresponding, seemingly, with anything. Feels like satan himself has your brain in his hands and he's squeezing the living daylights out of it.
It is here where we are really challenged to ask ourselves... just what are we to do with our emotions? Because, it feels like all hope is lost, and not just for now, but forever. It feels like happiness is a lie. It's not that it will not come back. It can't come back. Your every emotion screams for your life to end, or at the least for you to curl up in a ball and cease to move, for what's the point of moving?
I'll tell you how I first responded to this challenge. Like an idiot, that's how. I took on the problem of my emotions of death and utter hopelessness clashing with the memories of life before depression , of joy and wonder and happiness, and the need to survive for those around me, by trying to simply deny the importance of emotions in general.
"Feelings don't matter," I'd say. So many times did I say it that my soul started to change. A numbness came that I am still trying to fend off these couple years removed from the brunt of it. My heart still tries to shut down at every turn. All pain causes the walls to go up, and to my own detriment. Walls keep out good things as well as bad.
Healthy people do it too. This is where we get sayings like, "Love is a decision." Takes out those pesky, unpredictable feelings and gives us a sense of control. Only, it's a lie. Love has a decisive quality to it, but it is much more than just a decision, and everyone knows it. Love is scary because it is somewhat out of our control. That's just the way it is.
On the other hand, as I said, most people feel something and take it as book. If something feels true, we are almost helpless to believe otherwise. The compulsion to comply with our feelings is huge. I think this is because of the good feelings, the ones we cling to. When we feel them, we want them to be true so badly that we feel we need to believe all our feelings. If this feeling led me to this wonderful place, then my feelings must be true, because I want this feeling to be real, not just a fluke.
Why can't feelings be like people? Yes, this is a metaphor. People are real. Some lie, and some tell the truth. Part of life is discerning between them. To feel the need to trust all people, at the risk of denying the reality that some people do tell the truth, is just foolish. You'll believe any lie that comes your way. Well, feelings are the same way. They are all real. But some of them lie.
In depression, your feelings are very real. Your feelings are valid. I am not taking away the validity of your pain. I am simply saying that what they pain is telling you, "that you'll never be happy again, that you're lost forever, so just end it," is not true. It just isn't. And if you really want to fight well, you need to start internalizing this and acting on it.
One of the biggest, if not the biggest turning point in my fight against depression was when I stopped denying the existence of my emotions, started validating the reality of my pain's existence, but then rejected the message it was sending me. It's when i realized that admitting that a feeling is real does not mean that what it is saying to me is true, that things changed. I just said, "Okay, you're there. The pain is real. I'm just not going to believe what it has to say any longer. Life is good, no matter what my feelings say. It will be good again. It will." And things did change, slowly. For a long time I felt that sense of hopelessness and had to daily reject the message. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and also one of the greatest. Hope became real, because I didn't have to wait to feel something to be true for it to actually be true to me. My feelings no longer dictated reality. They influenced, but no longer dictated.
And here I am, and I am no longer depressed. I was right. My hope was well founded. What would have happend had I believed my feelings? I'd be dead, that's what.
This is true for everyone. Always know that what you feel is real, and is validated. Then, have the wherewithal to discern whether or not your feelings are lying or telling you the truth. Rejecting the lie of depression didn't make all other feelings lies. That's impossible. In order for love to be real, the feelings of depression had to be a lie. Praise God they are. Truth is you or your loved one can feel whole again. Love is real. Happiness is real. Life is good. People love you. You are not a burden. This will pass. Whether you feel it or not, God is real, and He loves you, so much so that He didn't just stay above it all, but sent His only son to be a part of it. He saved you and me. That's the truth, feel it or not.
May God give you the strength to accept then rise above the emotions telling you that life isn't worth living. May you press on toward the prize, and claim it. Amen.
