1 Corinthians 13
English Standard Version (ESV)
The Way of Love
13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
There is something transcendent about this passage. You don't have to believe in Jesus to be moved by it. The idea that life without love is nothing is universal. It speaks to everyone. Love is our greatest motivator. Some might say happiness, but love is greater than happiness. Happiness is whimsy, it comes and goes. It has no purpose. Love is eternal. It informs us of who we are. We define our selves by what we love.
This is the greatest unspoken pain of depression. If you can, imagine not being able to feel love. You can act it out, your love, but not feel it. Some people would argue love is an action, and not a feeling. Now, I understand the desire behind that statement. Most healthy people struggle with their emotions greatly. They are desperate for some measure of control, as emotions are scary. Sorry to say it is still a lie. The depressed person knows this all too well. They are forced to live everyday acting opposite of what they feel. Everything screams for an end, yet they keep on. They act love they do not feel, and it a special kind of hell. To not be able to truly affect is the greatest pain there is. It is worse than losing a loved one, worse than being left by a loved one.
To those on the outside, remember this when you look at the depressed person. Imagine waking up and looking at those you know you love, but you cannot feel the love you know is in there. Imagine trying to get out of bed with that. Without love, life is so pointless. You wake up and think, "Who cares." You just want to make another day. You push on because you remember a time when you once felt love, and deep down, buried beneath the mountain of pain, you hope you will feel it once again. Keep that perspective when you speak to them. This isn't to say you should coddle. Sometimes depressed people need a good nudge, and they don't have a free pass to act poorly. However, it should give your heart an enormous amount of grace for them. It should break your heart for them. It should give you, as one who does feel love, and feels it for them, the desire to encourage often. It should give you the ability to understand them a little better what they are experiencing, that you might act wisely.
To those in the thick of it, all you need to know is that love will come back if you have the courage to persist. It will. I lived without being able to feel love for over ten years. It was a certain type of living hell. Like you, I thought it would never end. I was stuck, broken, not fixable. The power of the darkness was too strong, unbeatable. I am living proof that is not true. My heart beats, it bleeds love, and it does so for you. My affection for you, though you are a stranger, is what drives me to write these articles, as there is surely no glory nor benefit to be had otherwise. This heart that once felt so dead I used to think, "If they only knew how dead I was, they would have a funeral for me right now. Nicholas Laning died years ago, and they don't even know it. All that is left is this brain sitting atop this body. My soul is somewhere else." That same heart now beats with love. It weeps. I am moved to tears even as I write this thinking about you. If I feel love after what I went through, you can too. You can love again. You can. Hear it. You can love again. Your heart can love again. Beauty can return. You will one day again look up at the stars and be moved, see your mother's face and remember her presence, even see yourself in the mirror and like your own life again. You will. Just keep on fighting. Keep having hope beyond hope. Don't quit. I am proud of you for your fight. So proud. Just keep fighting. I am praying for you right now.
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