Yesterday, I posted a pretty large chunk of scripture from the book of Job. Posting scripture can seem preachy, at least I think it can. We usually assume that whomever is posting it must already know it, and is lovingly, yet probably condescendingly throwing us a spiritual breadcrumb they already understand. You know? Well, that was not my reasoning. That scripture was as much me preaching to myself as anyone else. Yes, I thought, perhaps it could help others. Yet, my heart has been in dire need of such a reminder.
Job complains to God about how he has been treated by God. God does not strike Job with lightening, or have a bear eat him, or any other terrible thing. He answers Job in person with a series of questions. Where were you (Job, Nicholas, ________ (insert your name)) when I formed the Earth?
I don't know how you feel about this, but in my heart, when I get frustrated at God, or my heart is no longer in lone with scripture, I don't want to take the problem to God. Here's a funny thing, I feel righteous because I will go to His word, His church, His people with my frustration, but not Him. There is mixture of pride and faithlessness that tells me to do it on my own. "Go to the scriptures," I think. "Submit to God's will." This is a lovely thought, only, my way of getting to submission is still my own!
This all stems from my frustration with work. The things I have been doing have fallen short in continuing to provide. So, I am left to ponder what I am going to do for work. I am going to continue to write, but that is a side job for now. Until/if God decides to allow that to be what I do full time, I need to find something else to spend my days doing that will provide for my family.
I don't want to go off on a tangent about the issues surrounding that. Simply, I want to stay focused on the fact that, as this frustration has indeed come up, I have not wanted to take it to God. I have wanted to do it on my own. Through much prayer and listening, it has come to my attention that this is because I don't trust the Holy Spirit to move. I try to shift my thinking, change my own heart. In the end, this just delays the frustration, because it is never wholly dealt with, as I have no power to change myself for the better.
So, today, I hope you will follow me in this. I am going to take my frustration straight to God. I am going to tell Him I know I am wrong, that my thinking is messed up, that I am missing something, that I have believed lies. Then, I am going to ask Him to change me, and not just once, but again and again, with full hope and faith that He will do it. I don't want to do it on my own.
One of the greatest moments in my fight against depression was when i finally told God just how angry I was at Him for the pain He had allowed to come to me. On a beach in Ireland, the very one that there is a picture of in the art section of this site, I shouted out to God my frustration. I asked Him where He was in all this pain. I challenged Him in His proclamation of love for me. Much like Job, He did not kill me, or any such thing. Nor was His answer wholly easy to swallow, but He did answer me, and it helped me in my depression enormously. I will share His response some other time, as that is not the point of this post.
The point is to be honest with God in your struggle. Tell Him what you are thinking, especially if you know it is wrong, and ask Him to move. I look forward to seeing Him move in both our hearts. There is one hope, and it is in Him.
Job complains to God about how he has been treated by God. God does not strike Job with lightening, or have a bear eat him, or any other terrible thing. He answers Job in person with a series of questions. Where were you (Job, Nicholas, ________ (insert your name)) when I formed the Earth?
I don't know how you feel about this, but in my heart, when I get frustrated at God, or my heart is no longer in lone with scripture, I don't want to take the problem to God. Here's a funny thing, I feel righteous because I will go to His word, His church, His people with my frustration, but not Him. There is mixture of pride and faithlessness that tells me to do it on my own. "Go to the scriptures," I think. "Submit to God's will." This is a lovely thought, only, my way of getting to submission is still my own!
This all stems from my frustration with work. The things I have been doing have fallen short in continuing to provide. So, I am left to ponder what I am going to do for work. I am going to continue to write, but that is a side job for now. Until/if God decides to allow that to be what I do full time, I need to find something else to spend my days doing that will provide for my family.
I don't want to go off on a tangent about the issues surrounding that. Simply, I want to stay focused on the fact that, as this frustration has indeed come up, I have not wanted to take it to God. I have wanted to do it on my own. Through much prayer and listening, it has come to my attention that this is because I don't trust the Holy Spirit to move. I try to shift my thinking, change my own heart. In the end, this just delays the frustration, because it is never wholly dealt with, as I have no power to change myself for the better.
So, today, I hope you will follow me in this. I am going to take my frustration straight to God. I am going to tell Him I know I am wrong, that my thinking is messed up, that I am missing something, that I have believed lies. Then, I am going to ask Him to change me, and not just once, but again and again, with full hope and faith that He will do it. I don't want to do it on my own.
One of the greatest moments in my fight against depression was when i finally told God just how angry I was at Him for the pain He had allowed to come to me. On a beach in Ireland, the very one that there is a picture of in the art section of this site, I shouted out to God my frustration. I asked Him where He was in all this pain. I challenged Him in His proclamation of love for me. Much like Job, He did not kill me, or any such thing. Nor was His answer wholly easy to swallow, but He did answer me, and it helped me in my depression enormously. I will share His response some other time, as that is not the point of this post.
The point is to be honest with God in your struggle. Tell Him what you are thinking, especially if you know it is wrong, and ask Him to move. I look forward to seeing Him move in both our hearts. There is one hope, and it is in Him.
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