Too Much Sleep, No Sleep, Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to. Both are miserable.

Nicholas L. Laning

Sleep is so important.  I have been reminded of this these last few nights, as I have been sleeping on the sofa in the living room, all because one of neighbors has been listening to their music during all hours of the night.  The incessant bump and thump of bass has kept me deprived of sleep.  It has been miserable, especially since I sleep well, thank God!

That wasn't always the case.  Sleep is one of the first things to be messed with when depression comes.  Usually, at first, you will sleep all the time, and I do mean ALL THE TIME.  Bears could learn a thing or two about hibernation from depressed people.  The reason of the massive amounts of sleep is simple... it is the most effective, peaceful way to pass the time.  When awake, the crushing torture of the Abyss torments, making life unbearable.  Yet, when asleep, something happens.  I remember that, in my dreams, I felt normal.  I could feel things I was unable to whilst awake.  So, it seems an obvious choice.  It easy to run and hide.

The problem is that sleeping all the time will not bring you out of depression, which is the goal.  It can impede.  It is kind of like being told not to scratch an itch in order for a rash to heal.  Your emotions are yearning to just scratch the itch, because it itches dang it!  But, doing so only impedes true healing.  So it is with oversleeping and depression.  No one ever slept there way out of depression.  No one.  Life will go on.  Your friends will be doing stuff, and when you see all of that, your depression will become exacerbated by your loneliness.

Somewhere along the way, anxiety usually joins the depression in the battle to crush you.  When this happens, sleep habits shift dramatically.  Where you once slept fifteen plus hours a day, you now sleep three, if you're lucky.  Red-eyed and puffy-faced, everyone begins to ask if you are okay.  You sit in your room, alone, and play video games or guitar or whatever obsession you have thrown yourself at to occupy your tormented mind.  It is in the deep, dark, lonely nights where the misery of anxiety and depression is the strongest.  I have already told you that I never seriously considered committing suicide, but that I longed for death greatly.  Something I have never shared was how I used to take my 45, unload it, and just hold it, wishing it was okay to do it, to pull the trigger, wishing there was excuse.  That's when that constant audience, the faces of everyone I have ever loved sat in my mind.

If you have never seen the movie 127 Hours, do so.  It is a great movie.  In it, this idea is depcited just how I see it.  In the main characters moments of struggle, when he is fighting to survive, we see his friends and family all standing there in his mind, a constant presence pushing him to keep on.  If you are on the outside looking in, you need to know this.  You need to know that you are someone else's constant audience, pushing them forward, onward through the dark, sleepless nights of the Abyss.  1 Corinthians 13:8 "Love never ends".

Both extremes hurt.  If you are depressed and or fighting anxiety, keep on fighting.  You are not alone.  There are millions in the same fight.  You can overcome.  Through the grace of God, I have overcome, and so have many others I have talked to.  Victory is real.  Praise God in the midst of your pain.  What an amazing thing to be able to say, "Praise God" in the midst of pain, just as Paul did in prison.

If you love someone who is depressed, be aware of these two extremes, and learn to find the balance between affording them grace in the middle of their struggle, but also knowing that there comes a time to show some tough love, and drag your friend out of bed, and go work out, or some light socialization that won't completely overwhelm.  It is a hazy line, and mistakes will be made, but that's okay.  Love covers over those mistakes.  Speaking of love, 1 Corinthians 13:7 "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."  Live it.