Being Clinically Depressed Doesn't Give You The Right to Sin

1 CORINTHIANS 10:13 

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

This verse is truly a double-edged sword.  It cuts both ways.  It gives us so much hope that we have the ability to have victory.   On the other hand, it let's us no there is no getting off the hook.  There is no excuse for our sin.  

"Temptation" by Nicholas L. Laning

As I read this verse to put in here, it really sank in to me that this is a constant truth.  God doesn't say sometimes I'll provide an escape, or occasionally you'll have the ability.  It is a simple statement.  You, I, have the ability to overcome temptation.  God will ALWAYS provide an escape. 

That includes the temptations met during depression. 

I spend most of my time on this blog trying to crack through the walls of ignorance and stigma that surround being clinically depressed.  It is not the same as normal depression.  It is not an emotional phase.  It is a physical unbalancing of the chemicals in the brain and the hormones of the body that greatly affect the emotions.  When emotions shift, if one is not very strong, so does the thinking.  I pound away at those on the outside, the loved ones, not out of anger but a loving desire to help, that they might have grace and understanding, to be sympathetic.

And yet, I don't want to come across saying something I'm not.  I am not one of those people that believes that depression is the only hurt.  It is simply the hurt I was given, and the one I am qualified to thus speak on.  I am also not in any way trying to encourage anyone to think that depressed people should be coddled to or given everything they want.  Hear me, people on the outside, depression is awful.  It is beyond awful.  Yet, it is not so awful that those who are fighting it have an excuse to sin.

Hear it, depressed people.  Hear it from the word of God above, not from me.  I am just reiterating.  Being depressed does not give you an excuse to treat people poorly, to be mean, to manipulate.  We all struggle extra hard when we hurt, and there should be grace and understanding.  When you lash out, when the pain causes you to do or say something mean or hurtful, to do something awful, those around you should not leave you.  They should have grace for you.  Then, if they really love you, they will calmly remind you what I am now, that your pain, while enormous, while we are proud of you for fighting so hard, does not give you an excuse to sin.  Period.  Yes, it is going to be extra extra hard.  

"Nicholas," you say, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  That's what it says, but this is not common."

Everyone who struggles with depression thinks that.  I don't know what it is about depression.  I did it too.  I fought my mother tooth and nail for YEARS on this.  She would tell me I was depressed, that other people were too, but noooooo my pain was different.  It wasn't.  The pattern was there.  I just didn't want to believe it.  Even once I accepted that I was depressed I thought depression to be this super rare thing, and thus there was different standard.  Nope.  Depression is super common.  As a matter of fact, it is the third most common disease in the world, according to the World Health Organization, and as it is the fastest growing, will soon be THE most common disease on planet Earth.  That does not lessen the magnitude of its awfulness one iota.  That doesn't lessen your struggle, but it does mean you are not alone at all.  The temptation you feel when depressed, whatever that may be, to be angry, to lash out, to manipulate, to use others, say through sex, to try and feel better, they are all common to man.  This verse absolutely includes the clinically depressed.   

Obeying is hard enough when well, when whole.  You have been given an extra hard task.  We all take our turn bearing heavy loads.  You're not alone.  You are not unique in that.  We all do it in our own time.  We don't have excuse either.  Consider it pure joy that you have such an immense victory ahead of you.  Rejoice that you have a God that is with you every step of the way.  Keep fighting.  Keep obeying.  Don't quit.

As always, remember that God loves you deeply.  I am praying right now for the end to this dreaded disease, that it would be finished off like polio.  In the mean time, I pray that all of you, whether on the outside or in, would be given understanding, courage, hope, peace, and love.  May love abound between you.  May people be amazed at the love you show and share in the midst of such horror.  Amen.  Feel free to write me if you need to talk or have a question you want me to try to answer.

Nicholas L. Laning
    

There's a Certain Kind of Pain That Can Numb You

Imagine looking into the face of someone whose face has been mangled by fire, a shadow of its former visage.  The pain of that fire is long gone.  No longer is the heat felt.  The moment of that torment has passed.

Yet, the scars themselves bring their own pain.  Being reminded isn't even the hardest part.  We move forward.  No, this scar is ever present.  It affects every day of that person's life.  No one will look at them the same.  Even if people don't mind, the person with the scar will.  They will never feel quite whole, quite right. 

If burned deeply enough, strong enough, there can be a complete loss of sensation in the skin.  Numbness can be it's own torment.  

This is how I feel.  I don't think about my depression much, unless I am trying to write for the Abyssic.  However, it is the scar of my depression that hurts me now.  Simply put, I can't feel the same as I used to.  It's like I've been burned too deeply, and can't feel quite how I did before.  I bump into things, and know I should have felt something, but it's all just kind of numb.  

And that's okay.


All I can do is move forward in faith.  Confession, I don't always have faith.  At times, like this past week, I am just angry.  I don't always remember my place.  I am not always thankful.  The gospel is not fresh in my mind.  I feel entitled and rebellious.  At times, I am downright mean and spiteful toward God for my inability to feel whole, to feel right.  There are times when I take my hope to other things.  I think, "maybe lust will satisfy," of "maybe just doing whatever I want."  Only, I have given into both of those so much, I know they leave you dry.  Their promise is a lie.

It is my prayer that God would continue to renew my heart, that he would heal it.  If not, then I pray that He would give me the strength and faithfulness to overcome the pain left by those scars.  To God be all glory.

As always, my hope and intent with confession is to encourage through the shared experience of living life in pursuit of Christ, both the ups and the downs.

I Thessalonians 5: 23-24

23 Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  

24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

There is No List

1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you MAY be able to endure it. (Emphasis mine)

Man, when i was in the thick of it, this verse nearly killed my faith.  So entrenched was I in my own pride, so highly did I think of myself.  When I read that God would give me no temptation too great, I freaked.  I had two reactions.  Both spawned off of the fact that I believed that my depression was too great for me to handle, and it almost was.  Very few humans know what it is like to live on the edge of sanity.  Most never get close.  They are always a safe distance form the edge.  I lived with one foot off for a decade.  I kept saying in my head, "God, I can't do this!!!!!  Not one more second!!!!"  And I said that for ten years.  So, obviously I was wrong.  But, it felt true. 

Back on track, my first reaction was to feel that God existed, but that He hated me deeply.  He hated me so completely that despite "my" desire to love Him, He was pushing me away with something I couldn't overcome. 

Or, God didn't exist.  That was number two.  This temptation is too great, therefore God is a liar.  Somewhere along the way I was gently shown how false this is.  For one, suffering is all throughout the Bible, so I cannot judge God as a liar based on the Bible.  I would have to judge it from some other stand point, because I was told I would suffer, no, GUARANTEED it. 

I also didn't notice the MAY part.  Obviously, in context, we know that we are going to goof.  That is what the gospel is about, us being broken as people, and coming to Christ for grace and love that is undeserved.  The word MAY is there for a reason.  Just like salvation is open to all, not all are going to accept it. 

So, if I failed at overcoming the temptations that came from depression, it wasn't that I COULDN'T have done so, I simply DIDN'T.  It would not have been God's fault.  It would have been mine.  I was not being forced to sin or fall away.

It was once something I was trying to use as leverage with God, "God this is too big.  You goofed here."  It is as if we think there is this list that we can take to God and say, "So, God, I can't handle this, this, or that, and definitely not this."  With this falsehood in mind, we are then devastated when those things happen.  Because the verse isn't saying that you can tell God what you can and cannot handle.  It is God telling you that you can handle it all.  There is no list.