Boredom and Depression.

Nicholas L. Laning

Boredom is defined as: the state of feeling bored.  Thanks for that awesome definition.  Okay, so the definition of bored is: feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.  That seems pretty accurate, don’t you think?  I was listening to a special about boredom on public radio as I was driving home, (Yes, I realize that is nerdy beyond nerdy) and the specialist being interviewed talked about how wide the definition for boredom can get.  One question I found interesting is, does it hurt?  I’ll answer that later for myself.

This is an aspect of depression rarely talked about, which is amazing, because it is one of the largest thorns in depression.  We talk about the apathy a lot.  Apathy this.  Apathy that.  Well, aren’t apathy and boredom linked?  They are so linked that some people may very well think them equivalent, or at least close.  We are apathetic usually because we are bored.  The things that are meant to stir no longer do, and therefore we are left with… apathy: a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.  You read that definition, then the one for boredom, and you can’t help but see that the two can be connected. 

I say can, instead of will, because most often, boredom is wrought from wanting something, and being told you can’t have it.  For example, a student is filled with dreams and desires to play with his/her friends outside in the sun, but is instead forced to spend the vast majority of the day in a dingy classroom learning about the Industrial Revolution or the Pythagorean theorem.  It is the deprivation of that desire that hurts.

In a way, this is the same with those whom are depressed.  It is the deprivation, but not from the desired object.  No, it is taken back a step further.  It is the deprivation of desire itself.  It is but the mere memory of desire that remains. 

There are only two “desires” that are accessible at all times, and they are not true desires, in that they do not spark passion or pleasure in the end.  They are the wants, the wishes of depression rather.  One is for the ceasing of the pain.  The other “desire”, is for the ability to desire to return. 

I know that that sounds like an oxymoron, but it is not.  It is a paradox, for sure, but not an oxymoron.  I spent years in depression begging God to restore my ability to simply want.  I would beg and beg and beg thousands of times over for restoration in my heart, that I might one day feel again. 

For those of you on the outside, you may be wondering, “What am I to take away from this?”  You should take away a greater understanding of what your loved one is going through.  I know it is difficult, but you should try your best to imagine what having no desires would feel like, if but for a moment.  You may be struggling to believe it even possible.   I understand, though I don’t know this for sure, my inclination, when I hear people refusing to believe the testimonies of a hundred million people in the world today, is to believe that the reason you don’t believe it, is because it scares the crap out of you.  It is so mysterious, and can strike anyone, that it is too terrible to believe until forced to.

Well, if you have someone in your life whom is struggling with depression, then you are being forced.  You can be a coward, and continue to let fear push you away from your loved one, and the truth, or you can be someone special, be a difference maker in your loved one’s life.  You can, quite literally in many cases, be the difference between suicide and survival. 

For those of you whom are depressed, I hope you come away knowing that you are not alone, and that others have fought and won the battle against the very same beast you are battling.  There is hope.  You can get better.  You are never too far gone.  I would know, as I reached the end, lived there for ten years, and am now redeemed.  So you can also.