Post Abyssic Life

Nicholas L. Laning

Sometimes I have to remember.  Sometimes I just focus on where I am, or even where I have been the last two or three years inside, and I just don't recall.  When I look at my life, I have a tendency to struggle with frustration.  My longing for purpose and my desire for life can be manipulated a bit too easy I fear.

All I have to do is be told that I need to look around and compare myself.  If I am honest, I am on course, but there are some who are "ahead" of me.  Some of my peers have houses and kids and careers that I don't.  One look at them, and I begin to ask myself what I have done wrong, which, is a good thing. 

There are certainly many things that I have done wrong, and that I still struggle with that I need to overcome.  However, it has been shown to me that I need to have realistic expectations.  I am the one that always uses the metaphor, "you don't ask someone with a broken leg to run," when talking about the emotional capabilities of those who are depressed.  Yet, I have not given myself any room to allow that past into my current assessment. 

Using the leg metaphor some more, it is as if my leg has finally healed, I have gotten up to running speed, and yet I am somehow shocked to find that the group I started the race with is ahead of me.  It makes no sense for me, and it makes no sense for you.  If you are post depression, you need to allow for that time spent in struggle into your assessment of life.  You're right, you're not at the same place as a lot of your peers as far as physical stuff goes.  That's okay.  What's important is our relationship with God, and He certainly understands what has transpired.  Maybe your friends forget, or just never got it, but not God.  The rest of your fellow depression survivors understand too.  You are not alone.